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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27118237">After the nightmare, exhaustion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U'>NoMoreBeer4U</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>After the nightmare series [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stargate SG-1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s10e14 The Shroud, Established Relationship, M/M, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:53:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,083</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27118237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel's last ordeal left more than a physical toll. Will Jack be able to help?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>After the nightmare series [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704055</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>After the nightmare, exhaustion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: The usual. I don't own them, I just play with them, yadda...</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What the hell do you mean, you lost him?!" Major General Jack O’Neill was livid. The moment he had picked up the phone and heard the words “problem" and “Daniel" in the same sentence, his heart had started to pound fast. The moment he had heard that his lover got lost and nobody knew either his whereabouts or his condition, his heart had run wild and he had gone ballistic.</p>
<p>On the other side of the line, Colonel Cameron Mitchell started to sweat. Although he knew nothing about the romantic relationship between the General and the archaeologist, he knew they were good friends and the older man cared a lot about the scientist.</p>
<p>“He stopped Adria and told us to go through the gate,” Mitchell explained lamely.</p>
<p>“And you did?!”</p>
<p>“He… he said he'd be right behind us,” the young colonel tried to defend himself.</p>
<p>“And you believed him?!”  Jack couldn’t believe his ears. “Damn it, Mitchell! We don’t leave our people behind, much less at the hands of the enemy!” The General’s anger increased another notch.</p>
<p>From his office at the SGC, Cameron swallowed hard. “We'll find him, Sir,” he tried to calm down his superior officer.</p>
<p>“How,  Goddamnit?!” Jack yelled out. “You don't have any idea where he is!”</p>
<p>“Adria will keep him alive,” the younger man tried to reassure him. “She needs him to control Merlin’s weapon.</p>
<p>“And do you think she’s going to ask him nicely?! God knows what she’s going to do to him! There are fates much worse than death, Colonel!” Jack’s mind was recreating all sort of awful scenarios, each one worse than the first.</p>
<p>“We… we'll not let him down, Sir,” Mitchell assured.</p>
<p>“Do you mean again?”</p>
<p>“Sir, we are all upset, but his choice was the only option to take my team back home.”</p>
<p>“Not your entire team, dammit! As far as I know, he’s part of it, too. The civilian part, by the way. Your job is to protect him!”</p>
<p>“With all due respect, sir, maybe he is a civilian, but Teal’c aside, he is the most experienced member of my team in gate travel. He is perfectly capable of dealing with tough situations.”</p>
<p>“I don’t give a damn! You just said it: your team. You’re the team leader, your job was to keep him safe! You have read the reports, haven’t you?! Did you noticed that his way to deal with this kind of situations is sacrificing himself?! For crying out loud, Mitchell, he has sacrificed himself enough! He has died enough times! Why did he have to stay behind to fight that bitch alone?! You are the team leader, your job is to keep your team safe!  Why didn’t you sacrifice yourself for a change?!” Jack's fear for his lover’s fate spread to every cell of his heart.</p>
<p>“I… I…”</p>
<p>“Find my archaeologist,  Colonel, otherwise you will end up cleaning latrines on Leavenworth!!!” Jack smashed the receiver on the cradle with such force that it slipped from the table and crashed on the floor. He buried his face in his hands and tried to control his breathing. It wasn’t a good time for a coronary.</p>
<p>“Dammit, Daniel, what have you gotten yourself into this time?” He whispered against his palms.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Two months later</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>“O'Neill.”</p>
<p>“Jack, we found him,” General Landry’s voice sounded at the other side of the line.</p>
<p>Jack’s heart started to pound wildly. He didn’t dare to ask the next question. He took a deep breath.</p>
<p>“Hank… is he…?”</p>
<p>“He’s alive,” Landry said in a not very convincing tone.</p>
<p>“Injured?” Jack inquired anxiously.</p>
<p>“I'm not really sure how to answer that.”</p>
<p>Jack's stomach knotted at the General’s words.</p>
<p>“On my way.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Four days later</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Major General Jack O’Neill unlocked the front door of his townhouse in Washington DC and stepped inside, followed by Dr. Daniel Jackson, his lover, and source of most of his scares and almost heart attacks he had been suffering for ten years. It seemed impossible that he hadn’t developed an ulcer after so many experiences of anxiety and fear. It also seemed impossible that after so many freaky situations, something new could have surprised him. But that was exactly what had happened on board the Odyssey.</p>
<p>Adria, the Ori’s offspring, had turned the archaeologist into a prior. Fortunately, Merlin’s conscience, who had been inhabiting Daniel’s body at that time, had been able to protect him from a fate worse than death. Even more. Luckily, once they accomplished the mission, the archaeologist had come back to his old self and the Ancient magician had abandoned his body. What was left was just the old good Dr. Jackson, thank God. Jack wasn’t sure if he would have been able to put up with a threesome in case Merlin had stayed in his lover’s frame.</p>
<p>So, a couple of days under the observant eyes of Dr. Lam and Daniel had been discharged and given a week’s downtime to recover from his last ordeal. Needless to say, he decided to accompany his lover on his way back to Washington and stay with him for the duration of his *holidays*.</p>
<p>As soon as they were inside the house Jack grabbed Daniel’s luggage and dropped it to the floor. Then he did what he had been dying to do for the last two months. He pinned his lover against the door and started to devour his mouth. In his passion, he didn’t even realize that the archaeologist wasn’t responding to the kiss. Not that he wasn’t eager to fall into the General’s arms, but his last ordeal had left him exhausted both physically and mentally, and the trip from Colorado hadn’t helped either.</p>
<p>Jack ran a trail of kisses along Daniel’s jaw and neck while he muttered his lover’s name repeatedly as if he needed to prove that he was real.</p>
<p>“Daniel, Daniel, Daniel…”</p>
<p>He dislodged Daniel’s t-shirt from his waistband and pulled it up rather abruptly. The archaeologist didn’t resist and soon his t-shirt lay crumpled on the floor. Jack resumed the assault, kissing and ravishing Daniel senseless until the younger man began to respond, although his movements were weak and clumsy. He managed to sneak his hands under the older man’s shirt and started to stroke his back.</p>
<p>Jack pulled away for a second and took off his shirt before pressing his body against his lover again. Daniel loved to feel the older man’s naked torso squashing his body, chest against chest, belly against belly.  He could feel every muscle and every soft, every curve and the ticklish of his chest hair. He forced himself to overcome his exhaustion and his movements grew stronger.</p>
<p>“Daniel, Daniel,” Jack repeated. “Never… never leave… me…again…”</p>
<p>“I never… left you… Jack… I’m here… I’m he-re…”</p>
<p>Jack sneaked an arm between their glued bellies and reached Daniel’s chinos. He unbuttoned and unzipped them and slipped his hand inside his boxers. The archaeologist gasped when the older man grabbed his half erected cock and began to stroke it. He inhaled deeply to gather strength and mirrored his lover’s movements. Soon both men's pants and underwear kept stuck on their knees while they were both pumping each other’s cocks frantically. They both moaned and panted soundly, their breathing and heart-rate increasing as they approached the climax.</p>
<p>Daniel came with a cry and Jack imitated him one second later. They held onto each other as spasm after spasm hit their bodies and endless jets of semen bathed their stomachs. The force of the orgasm took what was left of Daniel’s strength and his knees buckled. He slid down along the door and Jack held him before he hit the floor. The General sat in front of him and hugged him tightly. Daniel buried his face into the older man’s neck, trying to recover his breath. They stayed like that for several minutes, just clinging to each other, feeling the beat of their hearts, drinking from each other’s scents.</p>
<p>“I love you so much, so much,” Jack whispered into his lover’s ear, as he ran his hands along his back and head. “I was scared, so scared, I thought I had lost you again, I thought…”</p>
<p>“I’m… fine, Jack, you… didn’t lose me, I’m… here, I’m he-re and I love… you,” the younger man panted.</p>
<p>When Daniel’s breathing went back to normal, and Jack had reassured himself that his lover was indeed there, whole and healthy, they broke the hug. Their bellies were sticky with cum, so a shower would be a good idea.</p>
<p>“Go shower first,” Jack suggested. “I’ll prepare something for dinner.”</p>
<p>“Ok,” Daniel agreed softly.</p>
<p>The General helped him to stand up, and he wobbled a bit.</p>
<p>“Hey, you ok?” Jack asked in concern. He noticed then that his partner was quite pale and a bit shaky.</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, just tired. I’ll feel better after that shower,” Daniel reassured him.</p>
<p>“You sure? Maybe I shouldn’t have… huh… you know, it’s just I…”</p>
<p>“It’s ok, Jack. I’m fine, just a bit tired,” Daniel insisted.</p>
<p>“I’ll make some pasta for dinner. It’ll help.”</p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p>They went to the bathroom and Jack washed his sticky stomach with a towel while Daniel sat on the toilet and began to undress. The older man pecked him on the lips before heading to the kitchen.</p>
<p>Daniel stood up and dragged his feet to the shower stall. He hoped a hot shower would help to stop the incoming headache that was threatening to spoil his well-deserved rest. Although it had seemed an appealing idea at that time, the unplanned performance with Jack had done nothing good to his exhausted body. At the moment he wanted nothing more than relax and rest for a while, preferably in his partner's arms.</p>
<p>He turned on the water, and when it reached a warm temperature, he stepped into the stall. He hadn't had time to grab the bottle of shampoo when a wave of dizziness hit him. He felt himself falling and hitting the floor hard. Everything went grey.</p>
<p>Jack was at the kitchen filling a pot with water when he heard a loud thump coming from the bathroom. All his alarms fired. He dumped the pot on the sink and ran. When he opened the bathroom door, his heart skipped a beat. Daniel lay crumpled on the floor of the shower stall, the water spraying on him. He was trying to sit upright and failing miserably. His movements were clumsy, and he kept slipping on the wet tiles. He was the picture of sheer exhaustion.</p>
<p>“Daniel! Crap!”</p>
<p>Jack quickly turned off the water and kneeled next to his partner to assess his condition.</p>
<p>“I'm ok, I'm ok,” Daniel tried to calm him down. “I'm not hurt, just… help me up.”</p>
<p>“What happened?” the older man asked in concern while checking the archaeologist’s body looking for injuries. At least there wasn’t any blood on sight.</p>
<p>“I think I fainted for a second, but it's ok, I’m ok, just a bit tired,” Daniel explained with a ragged voice.</p>
<p>“If you fainted, I think you’re far way beyond *a bit tired*, Jack observed.</p>
<p>“Yeah, whatever.”</p>
<p>“God, I'm so sorry, baby, this is my fault,” Jack started to check his lover’s head thoroughly.</p>
<p>“Jack, I'm ok, I'm…,” Daniel insisted.</p>
<p>“The hell you are!” the older man cut him. “Look at you! Jesus, you’re exhausted, I should have noticed it. But what did I do instead? Jumping on your bones at the first chance. Way to go, O’Neill! God, Danny, I'm so sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s ok, Jack.”</p>
<p>“It’s not ok,” Jack shook his head. “I shouldn’t have done it. Shit! You’ve got a bump on your head,” he said while touching a spot above his Daniel’s left ear. “C'mon, I'll take you to the hospital.”</p>
<p>“I'm not going to the hospital!” Daniel exclaimed, pushing away the General weakly.</p>
<p>“Danny, you may have a concussion!” Jack insisted, fear starting to take the best of him.</p>
<p>He managed to put the younger man in an upright sitting position. He helped him to stand up and sit on the toilet. Then he wrapped him with a towel and helped him dry.</p>
<p>“Jack, I don’t have a concussion,” Daniel protested. “I just need to rest for a while.”</p>
<p>“Daniel…” Jack's words died in his mouth when he saw the misery reflected in his lover’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Jack, I've been trapped both physically and mentally for two months. I just want to forget about everything for a few days. I missed you. I just want to stay here with you. I need to touch you, to hold you and be held in return. Please, please, don’t make me go to the hospital.” Daniel’s voice cracked at the last word.</p>
<p>Jack looked at those expressive and bright blue eyes and got lost in the intensity of the gaze. Damn the man. He was almost forty-two, for crying out loud. How did he manage to look like a lost twelve years old boy? The General’s heart melted at the view and pulled his lover into a heartfelt hug.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, I'm sorry…” he repeated.</p>
<p>Daniel buried his face in the hollow of his neck and returned the hug. He was shaking. Jack pulled away and adjusted the towel.</p>
<p>“God, baby, you’re freezing. Ok, ok, no hospital for now. But promise me you’ll tell me if you feel dizzy or nauseous.”</p>
<p>Daniel nodded weakly.</p>
<p>“We need to warm you up. Wait here,” Jack ordered. He turned on the water of the bathtub. He selected the correct temperature, warm but not too hot, and then he began to undress.</p>
<p>Daniel was too tired to think about what Jack was planning, so he just watched in silence. Once the bathtub was half full, Jack helped the archaeologist to sit inside. Then, he sat behind him and guided his body so his back could rest on his chest and his head on his shoulder. Daniel closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax into the shelter that was his partner’s embrace and the warm water.</p>
<p>Jack poured some shower gel on a sponge and started to rub Daniel’s brawny arm. Up and down the inner upper arm, the elbow, the forearm. Then his hand, with those long fingers that could be the envy of any pianist. Jack loved Daniel’s hands. The way he used them to emphasize his points as if it was one more of his many languages.</p>
<p>The General’s touch was soft and delicate, like a caress. He retraced the way up and washed his lover’s armpit gently. He repeated the operation on his other arm. Daniel felt so cherished under Jack’s touch, that a whimper of emotion escaped his mouth. Jack smiled. It felt so good to hold his partner like that after so many days. Weeks of anger and fear, of not knowing whether he was alive or dead, and then finally the encounter, only to find out that he had been transformed into one of their enemies. Fortunate, relieved, and grateful didn’t begin to describe half the way Jack was feeling at the moment.</p>
<p>The General kept washing his partner's body lovingly. He ran the sponge gently around his neck and gave special treatment to the smooth skin of his chest and belly. Daniel moaned in contentment to the tender touch and sank deeper into his lover’s embrace.</p>
<p>“Mmmm… Jack…” he whispered.</p>
<p>The older man added a trail of soft kisses to the experience, from the temple to the neck, and Daniel felt himself relax deeper.</p>
<p>“Mmmm… love you…”</p>
<p>“My life, my heart, my soul, I love you forever,” Jack whispered into his ear.</p>
<p>The sponge traveled slowly towards Daniel’s inner thighs. When it brushed his crotch, his penis didn’t react at all, proof of how exhausted the archaeologist was. Jack’s revived erection, however, was pressing against the archaeologist’s lower back. He didn’t take it as an invitation.</p>
<p>Daniel felt himself doze under his lover’s ministrations. Once ha had washed the younger man’s entire body, the General poured a bit of shampoo on his palm and washed the archaeologist’s silky hair. He took his time to give him a thorough massage. Daniel moaned softly. Nobody except him knew how delicate the General could be. The thought made him smile.</p>
<p>Jack cupped his hands to grab as much water as possible and removed the remains of soap from his lover’s body. When he finished, he wrapped his arms around his waist and just held him against his chest. He closed his eyes and dove into the blissful feeling of holding the most precious treasure in his life. The treasure that once again had almost slipped away from his hands.</p>
<p>His mind wandered to the moment he had seen him tied up to that chair, his beautiful face scarred with the marks of the Ori, the bright sapphire blue of his eyes reduced to a whitish, dull blob. He never before had he used such a bunch of sarcasm to hide the sheer terror that was eating his insides.</p>
<p>Jack shook his head to erase those memories. It was over. Daniel was himself again, free of alien influences, both from Adria and Merlin. He tightened his embrace and ran a trail of butterfly kisses everywhere he could reach. Daniel sensed the tension in his partner’s body. Knowing Jack as he knew him, he guessed where his mind had gone.</p>
<p>“I'm here, Jack, I'm here,” he whispered. He grabbed one of his lover’s hands and placed his palm open over his heart, so the older man could feel it was beating. Jack sighed in relief.</p>
<p>“I love you, God, I love you,” he whispered in reply.</p>
<p>They stayed like that for several minutes more until the water’s temperature dropped.</p>
<p>“Let’s dry so we can eat something and then you can rest properly on bed, ok?” Jack suggested.</p>
<p>“Ok,” Daniel slurred drowsily. It sounded good, especially the *bed* part.</p>
<p>“Too late for pasta,” Jack said. “So, pizza, Chinese, Greek…?</p>
<p>“ I'm not really hungry,” Daniel replied. “Can we skip that part and go directly to bed?”</p>
<p>“Sorry, not negotiable. You need to recuperate your strength. I promised Dr. Lam that you’d eat all the meals, and she’s almost as scaring as Janet was.”</p>
<p>Daniel smiled sadly at the mention of his lost friend. “Chinese ok then,” he sighed tiredly.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Daniel ate his dinner in silence, his eyes half-closed. The bath hadn’t stopped the incoming headache, which was now returning with a vengeance. Just after eating a few mouthfuls, he excused himself, saying he was tired, and he went to bed.  Jack watched his sluggish movements with concern. He was supposed to be recovering. Hell, Dr. Lam had said he was fine. The only anomalies had been a rather low blood pressure but within the acceptable parameters. Then why did he look like he had run out of strength,  just like when he had been *depriorized*? Jack sensed there was something more beyond the lack of energy caused by the transformation. He wouldn’t press the issue for now, but he'd keep an eye on him.</p>
<p>Daniel kissed Jack goodnight and dragged himself to the bedroom while Jack went to tidy up the kitchen. God, he was exhausted. He stripped to his boxers and curled up into a ball under the comforter. He felt cold and his head hurt. He fell sound asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.</p>
<p>An hour later, Jack came into the room and spooned his lover from behind. He sneaked his arms around his waist and clasped him. Daniel didn’t even stir. With the reassurance that his partner was safe and sound, the General closed his eyes and in a few minutes, he was asleep as well.</p>
<p> ***</p>
<p>The next day Jack had a meeting with the president at the White House, so he got up early and headed to the Pentagon first to gather all the data needed for the appointment. He didn’t wake up Daniel, who hadn’t moved an inch during the entire night, proof that he was really exhausted. The General had left the house a bit worried, so at midday, he called him to check if everything was ok.</p>
<p>Daniel was curled up on the couch when the telephone rang. He had wakened up just two hours ago, feeling almost as tired as when he had gone to sleep. The first thing he had noticed was that his head was still pounding, so his breakfast had consisted of a cup of coffee and a couple of Tylenol. The pills had helped little, and he didn’t feel the energy for doing anything, so he just lay on the sofa and let the time pass. The ring of the phone startled him. He thought of not answering, but he guessed it was Jack and didn’t want to worry him, so he managed to get up and wobbled towards the irritating sound.</p>
<p>“Lo?”</p>
<p>“Hey. I wanted to call you earlier but just came back from the White House,” Jack's voice sounded on the other side of the line.</p>
<p>“S'ok,” Daniel slurred.</p>
<p>“Daniel,  are you ok?” the older man asked in concern. It wasn’t normal for Daniel to sound so drowsy at this time of the day.</p>
<p>“Mmm, a bit of a headache.” Daniel couldn’t keep his eyes open.</p>
<p>“Did you take anything?”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm, Tylenol.”</p>
<p>Daniel sounded really off and Jack's concern increased. “Dammit, I should have taken you to the hospital.”</p>
<p>“Jack,  I don’t have a concussion,” he protested weakly. “My head hurt before I fell on the shower. It’s just a headache, I just need to wait for the pills to kick in.”</p>
<p>Well, Daniel’s speech wasn’t his usual high speed, but at least he wasn’t using monosyllabic anymore.</p>
<p>“Ok, I buy it for now, but promise me that if you feel worse, you’ll call me ipso facto.”</p>
<p>“Jaaack…” Daniel whined.</p>
<p>“Daniel…”</p>
<p>“Jaaaaaack…”</p>
<p>“Daniel?”</p>
<p>“Ok, ok, I promise. But I'm fine, ok? You don’t have to worry.”</p>
<p>“I can’t help it and you know it.” Jack heard Daniel sigh tiredly at the other side of the line. “I'll be at home as soon as possible, ok?”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm, ok. Bye, Jack.”</p>
<p>“See you later.”</p>
<p>Jack placed the receiver on the cradle and looked at his agenda. He had scheduled a bunch of meetings for the day.</p>
<p>“Damn,” he muttered to himself. He wanted nothing more than to go home and check on Daniel, but it would have to wait.</p>
<p>A few miles away, Daniel hanged up the phone and decided that the living room was too cold, so he went back to the bedroom, crawled into the bed, and buried himself under the warm comforter. At other times he would have had plenty of distractions to occupy his day, but at the moment, that was the most appealing thing to do.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was late in the evening when Jack finally came back home. He had called Daniel before leaving the Pentagon, but his lover hadn’t answered the phone. He tried not to worry. Maybe Daniel was in the shower and he hadn’t heard the ring. Shit. The shower. Bad thinking if he wanted not to worry.</p>
<p>Jack stepped into a dark and quiet house. No sign of any archaeologist in the living room or the kitchen. Actually, there wasn’t any sign of anything, just an empty coffee mug in the kitchen sink. No rests of food or any other drink. Didn’t Daniel eat anything during the entire day?</p>
<p>Jack went to the bedroom and opened the door cautiously. In the dim light, he could see a bulge under the comforter. He sat on the bed next to his lover’s asleep form and carded his hair tenderly. Daniel stirred at the touch and cracked open his eyes.</p>
<p>“Mmm, Jack… hi.”</p>
<p>“Hey,” the older man smiled softly. “Did you just went to bed or hadn’t you get up yet?”</p>
<p>“Mmm, it depends… what time is it?” Daniel slurred lazily.</p>
<p>“Almost 2000,” Jack replied.</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>“Daniel,  did you even get up today?” Jack frowned in concern. Definitely *Daniel* and *sluggish* in the same sentence just didn’t fit, but he couldn’t think of a better way to describe his partner’s attitude at the moment.</p>
<p>“I went to the couch,” Daniel said, struggling to sit upright.</p>
<p>Jack pressed his palm on his forehead.</p>
<p>“Jack, what…? Daniel protested. “I don’t have a fever.”</p>
<p>“Certainly you act as if you had one,” Jack pointed out. “But no, the temperature feels normal,” he said while checking Daniel’s cheeks and nape to be sure.</p>
<p>“I'm just tired, that’s all. I will be ok, you don’t need to worry.”</p>
<p>“Ok then. Get up, I'll prepare something for dinner.”</p>
<p>“I'm not hungry.”</p>
<p>“For crying out loud, Daniel. Have you eaten anything today?”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t hungry.”</p>
<p>“C'mon, get up. You need to eat. You won’t do any good to the SGC if you don’t recover soon.”</p>
<p>“Huh, for all the good I do,” Daniel snorted without humor.</p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jack’s frown deepened.</p>
<p>“Nothing.” Daniel looked away dismissively.</p>
<p>“Don’t *nothing* me, Doctor,” Jack grabbed his chin and forced eye contact. “Tell me what’s going on that head of yours.”</p>
<p>Daniel tried to look away, but Jack’s grip was firm, so he just shook his head weakly and lowered his gaze.</p>
<p>“Danny, hey, it’s me. Please, tell me what’s wrong,” the older man’s tone softened.</p>
<p>Daniel's lower lip began to quiver and he bit it. He looked at Jack with watery eyes.</p>
<p>“What if we've made things worst as Mitchell said?” he finally said. “What if we've opened the front door to the worst enemy we have ever faced?”</p>
<p>“We don’t know that. For all we know, the Ori might have ceased to exist. You said you still believed it was the best thing to do. What has changed?”</p>
<p>“What about the priors? It doesn’t matter if the Ori exist or not. The priors are still out there, their technology is still too powerful. They are the ones flying those ships. Don’t you see it, Jack? People on Earth have been killing each other for centuries in the name of God, even if we don’t have any proof of his/her/its existence. It’s a question of faith. It doesn’t matter if the Ori are dead, what’s important is what their followers believe.” He stared at the General with haunted eyes, his shoulders slumped down.</p>
<p>The bright side was that Daniel was including the team’s work in the failure, so this wasn’t a typical Daniel Jackson’s guilt trip after all. The bad thing was that this was something much worse. This was Daniel Jackson…  giving up?</p>
<p>“C'mon, baby, you can’t give up now, you made an enormous step. We'll find a way to neutralize the priors,” Jack stated firmly.</p>
<p>“How, Jack? When?” Daniel sounded alarmingly hopeless. Jack cupped his jaw and felt shocked by the desolation imprinted in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, I don’t know, but you have to believe it,” he said brushing the younger man’s cheek with his thumb tenderly.</p>
<p>“God, Jack,  I'm so tired, so tired…” Daniel’s voice faded to a whisper.</p>
<p>Jack couldn’t hold the misery reflected in his lover’s gaze anymore and pulled him into a heartfelt hug. “I know baby, I know,” he said softly into his ear. “I told you before, just say the word and we’re out. Both of us.”</p>
<p>Daniel pulled away enough to look at the General’s warm chocolate orbs. He shook his head weakly, and his lips twisted in a grimace. “That’s the problem, Jack. I can’t, not yet.” Unshed tears began to gather in the corner of his eyes. “I still feel the responsibility, more now than ever, but I… I can no longer feel the strength. Every time we defeat an enemy, a more powerful one takes its place. Even if the Ori are dead, this isn’t over and it might never be. God, so many years, so many losses. I can’t… I can’t… I…” he choked on the last word and couldn’t hold it anymore. His shoulders began to shake and thick tears slid down his face.</p>
<p>Jack quickly pulled him into a fierce hug and clinched him while he sobbed quietly. The General had never seen him so discouraged. Daniel had always been the first one to fight for his ideals, like an unstoppable Don Quixote, and now… God, he looked so defeated.</p>
<p>“Baby, you’re not alone, you’re not alone,” he rocked his lover back and forth. “We’re all into this mess. We’re all responsible, we’ll go through this together. You’re not alone, you’re not alone.”</p>
<p>“B’tiw’s,” Daniel mumbled against the older man’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>The archaeologist broke the hug and looked at his lover with puffy red-rimmed eyes, tears still leaking through his eyelashes.</p>
<p>“I was… I was alone, I was…” he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to compose himself.</p>
<p>“What?” Jack repeated, not seeing what his lover was referring to.</p>
<p>Daniel took a deep breath and looked at the older man intently. “On Adria’s ship, all those weeks. I… I was alone. I… I felt like a… puppet, with both Adria and Merlin pulling my strings. Sometimes I… I wondered if I was even there, if there was a part of myself left.”</p>
<p>Jack’s stomach churned at Daniel’s confession.</p>
<p>“And then at the Odyssey, I was like… God, Jack, I felt like the enemy. All of a sudden it was me against all of you, my friends, my… my fa-family. To fulfill the plan, first I had to fight all of you.”</p>
<p>Jack watched in horror as Daniel’s face crumpled in pain and wrapped his arms around his midsection. And then he saw it. The source of his lover’s pain, crystal clear in front of his eyes. This wasn’t Dr. Daniel Jackson's triple Ph.D. This was Danny, the eight years old who just lost his parents and was ignored, and afterward rejected by his family. The kid who had had to fight alone against the world. The entire episode had revived his abandonment issues full force.</p>
<p>Jack wanted nothing more than to hold his lover forever and never let go, but he sensed he hadn’t already finished with what he needed to say.</p>
<p>“God, Jack, nobody believed me. Do you have any idea how I felt? Mitchell was ready to press the button, Vala left pretty clear that she didn’t trust me, with Teal’c it was hard to tell, Sam… she… she didn’t even try, Jack,  and my own government wanted to kill me. And you…”</p>
<p>Jack felt an invisible knife plunging into his gut. He hadn’t realized the huge emotional toll his lover had had to pay. No wonder he was so exhausted and depressed.</p>
<p>“Jesus, Daniel, I hadn't realized… I’m so sorry, so sorry…” The General felt his own eyes wetting as his lover’s pain reached the deepest of his soul.</p>
<p>“Don’t be Jack.” Daniel reached out a hand and carded the hair in his lover’s temple with the tips of his fingers. “You trusted me eventually. I knew you would. At the crucial moment, you didn’t let me down. I couldn’t have done it without you. It’s just… when you dismissed me at the beginning… I know what I looked like. I know it could be difficult to convince you, but still, it hurt.”</p>
<p>Jack leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Daniel’s and began to stroke his damp cheek. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “You know I believe in you. It’s just that for a while, I wasn’t sure you were… you know… you.”</p>
<p>“What made you trust me?” Daniel asked softly.</p>
<p>“I don’t think I can explain it,” Jack said. “I just… felt it. One heart. One soul. In the end, I just knew.”</p>
<p>Daniel pressed their lips together in a light kiss, more for comfort than anything sexual.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure I have the strength to fight without you anymore,” he said, looking at his lover with eyes sparkling with love and need.</p>
<p>“Of course you have it,” Jack protested. “you’re the strongest man I ever met.”</p>
<p>Daniel shook his head. “It’s so different without you. SG-1, I mean. Mitchel and Vala are good assets for the team, but it’s not the same, not even close. I miss the closeness, the sense of family.”</p>
<p>“You still have Carter and Teal’c,” Jack pointed out.</p>
<p>“I know, I know,” Daniel hurried to say. “But you glued us together, Jack. The way you cared about all of us… It was something special, and I miss it so much. Now I feel like we’re just teammates doing our job. Somehow the warmth is gone. I don’t think we would have fulfilled the mission if it hadn’t been for you.”</p>
<p>Jack couldn’t say anything to disagree with the archaeologist, because he had the same feeling. He had seen how the new SG-1 had been ready to sacrifice Daniel’s life more than once with little regret. And that scared him big time. He still was furious with Mitchell for leaving his lover behind.</p>
<p>“I wish I could fight at your side, like the old times. What I’d give to be ten years younger," Jack said with resignation.</p>
<p>“So do I,” Daniel agreed before stealing Jack another brief kiss.  “It’s just… I’ve been part of SG-1 for ten years, and it’s been tough. And I suffered so many losses. Sha’re, Nick, Shifu, Robert, Janet…  And you were there, at my side, with all of them, and now…”</p>
<p>“Hey, hey, I’m still here baby, I’m here.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Jack. God, I’m pathetic. I sound like a little boy who needs someone holding his hand to cross the street. I am a bit too old for such a pity party, huh?”</p>
<p>“Hey, don’t say that. You’re not pathetic, you hear me? You’ve had a tough life since your parents died and on top of that, you are the one who suffered the most since the program started. Nobody should suffer so many losses in a lifetime. You even lost yourself for an entire year, for crying out loud. And It's a miracle you came back after Carter's evil twin killed you. I don’t know why the universe keeps sending all this crap to you. You of all people deserve a break. If anyone is entitled to feel tired, it’s you, and the day you decide to quit SG-1, you'll have all my support. But don’t let those damn Ori take your strength away. I told you before. You are not alone. Whatever you decide, whatever happens, I’ll be at your side, always. I love you more than anything, never forget that, and I’ll be there for you whenever you need me.”</p>
<p>“I know. I love you too, Jack, forever.” And their lips met in a long and gentle kiss. When they pulled away, Jack realized Daniel‘s eyes were still somehow dull.</p>
<p>“There is something else bugging you, isn’t it?” he asked with concern.</p>
<p>Daniel sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds to gather his thoughts.</p>
<p>“While I was on Adria’s ship, I thought a lot about Sha’re.”</p>
<p>Jack looked at his lover’s eyes and saw they lost another notch of brightness and he still sounded very tired. He said nothing and waited for the archaeologist to continue.</p>
<p>“I wondered if having Merlin’s consciousness in my mind was something similar to having a Goa’uld.” Jack noticed that Daniel’s hands were shaking slightly and took them in their own. “It wasn’t funny, you know. I felt as if I couldn’t control my thoughts, my actions. I felt… invaded, violated. I wasn’t myself anymore. And Merlin was supposed to be one of the *good guys*. God, Jack, I can’t even imagine what she felt with that beast inside of her.” Daniel’s face writhed in anguish and Jack felt his heart constrict. Damn, it was like that last mission had awakened all of Daniel's painful issues. No wonder he was so down.</p>
<p>“I was under Merlin’s influence for two months and I nearly went nuts. I can’t even imagine what she suffered having that beast in her head for almost three years.” Daniel’s voice faded to a whisper and new fresh tears pooled in his eyes. “I had never really realized how much he suffered, and for a moment I was glad she was dead. God, Jack, I was glad she was dead because she didn’t have to suffer anymore.” And with that last statement, Daniel broke down completely. A heavy slab compressed his heart and raw pain pierced his innards. He tightened the clutch on his midsection as soul-wrenching sobs filled the room. The air failed to fill his lungs, and he began to choke between sobs.</p>
<p>Jack had him into his arms in less than a millisecond. He held him tightly while he cried for his wife and his other losses, from his parents to Janet, for all the pain he had endured during his life. Jack felt his own cheeks wetting and realized he was also crying. Daniel unwrapped his arms from his torso and held onto Jack as a drowning man would do with a lifesaver.</p>
<p>“I'm here, I'm here,” Jack whispered with a cracked voice. “I won’t let you go, I'm here. I love you, I will never let you go.”</p>
<p>Daniel tightened the embrace if possible.</p>
<p>“I loved her too, Jack, and I still mi-miss her. She-she didn’t deserve what happened to her.” he hiccupped, lost in his pain.</p>
<p>“I know, I know, let it out, let it out,” Jack rubbed his back in comfort.</p>
<p>They stayed like that for several minutes until Daniel’s sobs began to abate. They pulled away and looked at each other’s eyes.</p>
<p>“You ok?” Jack asked softly.</p>
<p>Daniel shook his head weakly. “Stomach hurts,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Are you going to be sick?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>Another weak shake.</p>
<p>“Ok, lie down.” The General patted the pillow.</p>
<p>Daniel complied. Jack lay on his side, facing his lover. He slid a hand under his shirt and started to massage his belly tenderly. The archaeologist closed his eyes, rested his arm over them, and let himself give in to the caress.</p>
<p>“Do you know what makes it even worse?” he asked nonchalantly.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“That after the destruction of Abydos, I don’t even have a grave to visit. It really helps every time I can visit my parents’ grave in New York, you know. But for Sha're… nothing remains of her. Not a single particle. As if she had never existed. Just… poof. And it's… well… you know…”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Jack closed his eyes and tried to erase the image of a melting Daniel, lifting to the ceiling in the form of glowing tendrils, and leaving behind just a bunch of crumpled bandages. Nothing to bury, no grave to visit.</p>
<p>The hand on his stomach froze, and Daniel realized what memory he had just triggered. He removed the arm from his eyes and looked at the older man with dismay.</p>
<p>“Shit, Jack, I'm sorry… I didn’t mean…”</p>
<p>“It’s ok, Danny. You came back. It’s ok now, but you’re right. During the year you were dead, ascended, whatever, it was hard not having a place to mourn. It helps when I visit Charlie, too,  but you were, well, as you said… poof. We used to go to your office, you know. Until… well… Jonas… never mind. What I mean is that I understand what you mean, and I'm really sorry you lost it.”</p>
<p>Jack continued massaging Daniel’s sore belly, and they remained in silence for a while, looking at each other, their eyes talking for them.</p>
<p>“Better?” Jack asked after some minutes.</p>
<p>“Mmhmm,” Daniel simply replied.</p>
<p>“Get up then, you need to eat something,” Jack insisted.</p>
<p>“Jack, I told you, I’m not hungry,” the younger man whined.</p>
<p>“Baby, I saw the kitchen. You ate nothing today, just a cup of coffee, am I right?” The General frowned.</p>
<p>Daniel sighed in defeat and tried to bury himself deeper into the mattress. Jack cupped his face and stared at him lovingly.</p>
<p>“I know you feel like you’re holding the Universe in your shoulders. But remember, you-are-not-alone. And maybe it’s not exactly the same as before, but you’re still part of a team, part of a family. Things are much more complicated now than when we started, and maybe on occasions, Carter and Teal’c have been a bit too focused on their own battles, but I can assure you that they care for you, and they would do anything to keep you safe. So, Dr. Jackson, if you feel it isn’t time to retire yet, you need to regain your strength to keep fighting.”</p>
<p>“Ok, mom,” Daniel sighed again. “I’ll eat something if you promise you’ll take a shower first.”</p>
<p>Jack made a face and sniffed his armpit. He wrinkled his nose. When he turned his attention to his lover, he found him smiling. “You little prick,” he teased.</p>
<p>Daniel took the older man’s hand and entwined their fingers. His expression sobered. “Thank you, Jack,” he said earnestly.</p>
<p>The General leaned down and kissed him softly. “What are husbands for?”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>During the next days, little by little and with Jack’s help, Daniel began to recover his spirit. When he came back to the SGC, he was almost his old self again. On the next days, even with no scheduled missions, Daniel almost managed to get killed by a bounty hunter on Earth. Jack came from Washington for the weekend and they celebrated his survival effusively. After the fiasco in P4M-328, where SG-1 landed into a museum, Daniel went back to Washington for a couple of days. They didn’t have any off-world mission for the next week, and there weren’t major disasters going on in Washington, so the next weekend Jack went to Colorado springs again.</p>
<p>The General arrived home late on Friday evening. They shared a late supper and enjoyed each other’s bodies in a long and passionate round of lovemaking.</p>
<p>The next morning Jack woke up, as usual, wrapped in 180 pounds of a sound asleep archaeologist. He kissed his temple softly. Daniel shifted slightly, but he didn’t wake up. Jack tucked an arm under his head and enjoyed the view. His lover’s lips were slightly parted and little poofs of hot air bathed his hairy chest. It tickled, but he wouldn’t change it for anything. Watching Daniel’s face, he couldn’t help thinking how beautiful and young he looked like in his sleep.</p>
<p>*You’re the luckiest son of a bitch in the entire Universe*, he told himself. Jack shuddered. He had something planned for Daniel since some days ago. Actually, since the last time he had been in Colorado. And today he was going to show him. He felt nervous. He wasn’t sure it was such a good idea anymore, but it was done yet, so no way back now.</p>
<p>Daniel shifted again, and this time his eyelids fluttered open. A thin line of bright blue enlightened his face. He raised his head to look at Jack, and his stubble scratched the older man’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Mmm… m'rning,” the archaeologist smiled drowsily.</p>
<p>“Morning, baby,” the General said before capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. “You awake?”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm.” Daniel yawned noisily and scrubbed his face. He blinked several times and yawned again. “Yep, I'm awake. Hi,” he grinned.</p>
<p>“Hi yourself,” Jack stole another brief kiss. “Danny, I hmm… I'd like to visit Charlie today. Is it ok for you to go this morning?”</p>
<p>“Of course,“ Daniel replied. Since Jack had *introduced* him to Charlie, the archaeologist had accompanied him every time he visited his grave. Even if he never met the child, he felt great affection for him. “I'll make coffee.”</p>
<p>He tried to get up, but Jack grabbed his arm. “Not so fast, Speedy,” he chuckled. The General sat upright, held the back of the archaeologist’s head, and kissed him passionately.</p>
<p>“I love you so much,” he said with emotion when they broke the kiss.</p>
<p>“I love you, t… mmmmmhmmmf…” </p>
<p>The coffee would have to wait.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Two hours later they were in Daniel’s car riding towards the cemetery. The archaeologist noticed that his lover was anxious. Since the moment he had sat in the car, he had started to fidget and avoided eye contact.</p>
<p>“Jack, you ok?” the younger man side-eyed him while parked the vehicle.</p>
<p>“Yes, of course,” Jack forced a smile. “Shall we?” And he jumped off the car.</p>
<p>The two men started to walk by the path that led to Charlie’s grave. Jack had his hands stuck inside his pockets and his gaze glued to the floor. Daniel noticed how he tensed and swallowed compulsively. He frowned at the unexpected behavior. Jack looked like he was going to be sick.</p>
<p>“Jack, is there something wrong?” the archaeologist asked in concern.</p>
<p>“No, everything is fine. Why do you ask?” He forced the smile again.</p>
<p>Daniel's concern increased a notch. “Well, you look a bit… I don’t know… off.”</p>
<p>Jack didn’t answer, but suddenly, a few feet from his son’s tombstone, he stopped in his tracks. Damn, it had seemed a good idea, but now he wasn’t so sure. What if Daniel hated what he had done? What if he hated HIM for that? His heart started to pound faster.</p>
<p>“Jack?”</p>
<p>He raised his eyes and met bright sapphire eyes looking at him in concern.</p>
<p>“I… I… crap, I don’t… I mean…” he babbled.</p>
<p>Daniel took his hand. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Angst spread over Jack’s face. “I did something Daniel, and I… shit… I thought it was a good idea, b-b-but now I… I not so sure anymore, and I… I…”</p>
<p>“Jack, you’re scaring me. What did you do?” Daniel’s eyes shadowed with worry.</p>
<p>“I… I… God, what if you hate me? I couldn’t… I…”</p>
<p>“Jack! Stop rambling! What did you do?” His gaze pierced his lover’s brown eyes.</p>
<p>Jack's shoulders slumped in defeat and he pointed towards Charlie’s grave with his hand. Daniel followed the direction of the General’s fingers and then he saw it. A few feet near the child’s tombstone, there was a colored cream stone, beautifully carved in the shape of a pyramid. The color instantaneously reminded Daniel of the sand of Abydos. There was something engraved vertically on the stone. From where he stood, Daniel recognized the symbols for Abydos. He moved closer and saw the five rows of letters engraved under the symbols.</p>
<p>In memory of</p>
<p>SHA'RE JACKSON</p>
<p>Beloved daughter, sister, and wife</p>
<p>All those we met you</p>
<p> will always remember you</p>
<p>Jack held his breath. Daniel stared at the stone without blinking for a long minute.</p>
<p>Then, suddenly,  he began to shake uncontrollably and burst into tears. Jack panicked.</p>
<p>“Jesus, Daniel, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I thought… damnit, I don’t know what I thought. I'm such an asshole, God baby, I'm sorry, I… ouf!” All of a sudden, 180 pounds of a sobbing archaeologist pressed against his body. At first, he thought Daniel had shoved him hard, but then he realized his lover was wrapping him tightly with his arms. The initial shock passed and Jack returned the embrace with equal strength. The younger man cried on his shoulder for several minutes, while clutched his jacket desperately. He finally found his voice and began to talk between hiccups and sobs.</p>
<p>“Jack, oh Jack,” he looked at his lover with shiny watery eyes. “This… this is the mo-most be-beautiful thing someone di-did for me!” His breathing was coming in quick gasps. “Love you… love you, God… so-so much…” New tears followed, and he buried himself into his lover’s embrace again.</p>
<p>Jack held him while whispered words of endless love into his ear. After several minutes they pulled away and Jack brushed Daniel’s damp cheeks with his thumbs.</p>
<p>“Let’s watch it better, ok?”</p>
<p>Daniel nodded, and both men kneeled in front of the pyramid.</p>
<p>“I know it’s not the same as if, well...” Jack shrugged.</p>
<p>“Jack, it’s perfect. Just perfect. It’s…” the archaeologist stared at the older man with devotion. “Thank you, thank you. It’s the best gift I ever received. How come you always know what I need before I even realize I need something?”</p>
<p>“Oh, you know, I have this Danny-radar,” Jack teased. “To be honest, I was scared shitless.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t need to be. You know me better than anyone. Even than myself. You’d do nothing to hurt me. I love you, Jack, so much. Forever.</p>
<p>“Forever and always, baby, forever, and always.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong> The end, for now</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
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